OK - here's me and Lore at the front gate on Allyn Street. This was the day of cousin Dave's wedding. That's why we're all dressed up. I remember I made that dress. Now - honesty being a pretty good policy we must tell - this particular photo is about 20 years old and me and Lore definitely aren't (any more). But we sure are smiling, smiling, smiling!!! Well, anyway, I still can sew. And Lore can do a mean lasagna. All around - some pretty cool kids, right?Saturday, July 23, 2005
Allyn Street
OK - here's me and Lore at the front gate on Allyn Street. This was the day of cousin Dave's wedding. That's why we're all dressed up. I remember I made that dress. Now - honesty being a pretty good policy we must tell - this particular photo is about 20 years old and me and Lore definitely aren't (any more). But we sure are smiling, smiling, smiling!!! Well, anyway, I still can sew. And Lore can do a mean lasagna. All around - some pretty cool kids, right?
Out-of-Sorts or How Meeting a Christian Prince can Save Your Day
Yesterday I was out-of-sorts. Now this is some old fashioned phrase that describes how you feel when you’re head is on sideways. Or you just can’t describe the weird feeling that you might get mad, but there’s nothing to be mad about. You might be getting sick, or something is wrong but what the heck, you just can’t figure it out. This is the mood I was in until last night. Whew! Because last night I met a Prince.
A new friend from church treated me to a concert. Christian recording artist, Mark Schultz, performed to a packed house in central Virginia. Part of that packing was me, my friend Amy, and her (well-behaved and pleasant) niece and nephew. I have been to many types of concerts in my life, seen headline acts from several decades. But I’ve never heard a voice so clear and strong. Mark played a new video he’s made of a great song he wrote and performed which honors our troops. I’m sure I could have made a nice sum selling tissues to sop up the tears of that audience! Besides singing, playing piano and guitar and telling the stories behind some of his hits, Mark encouraged us to sing along on some well known hymns to praise our God.
After the performance, Amy’s nephew wanted to get Mark’s autograph. At my age, (and having my disposition) I tend more toward impatience at waiting in line than feeling awestruck toward celebrities. We waited (and waited – it really wasn’t too, too bad) and the boy got the autograph. Before I knew it though Amy was introducing me to Mark Schultz!. “This is my friend, Mona,” she said. I looked up and standing right there in front of me was a Christian Prince. Photos truly can’t capture charisma and normally witty me – I was speechless. “Mona,” he said and took my hand. He didn’t shake it, just held it. “Your hand is hot,” he observed not letting go. Gulp! 'It might have been that I’d just nearly flayed it apart clapping for your wonderful concert,' I thought later. But at that moment, I couldn’t think. Words escaped me and if you know me - that is absolutely impossible. I can’t keep quiet! “That’s because my heart is cold,” I finally managed jokingly. “Oh, that’s not true,” Mark said looking straight through me into my brain. The piercing clarity of those eyes! Somehow I ended up in the parking lot with my friends and a large smile across my silly face. No longer out-of-sorts.
Did I mention meeting a Christian Prince? Part of the out-of-sorts mood is my negative feelings about being divorced. Sometimes I get ‘husband obsessed’ and anxious about being lonely. It’s certainly not the way I want to be. I’ve gone to the Lord about it many times in prayer. Anyway, when we first arrived at the concert, Amy couldn’t decide where to sit. I had no opinion in the matter, so when she finally chose a row toward the right of center stage that was fine with me. Already sitting at the end of that row was a large man with a moustache and clean-shaven head wearing a Hawaiian shirt. He was from Williamsburg. He was alone. Throughout the evening he sang and he bowed in head in prayer, smiled, and even spoke briefly to me. I enjoyed a brief fantasy that we had come to the concert together, that his large, strong arm was around the back of my seat. I didn’t see him leave, never learned his name but the point that the Lord made to me was very clear. The world is not only full of His glory but it is also filled with a good many Christian sons to put across the paths of His Christian daughters
Lord, how wonderful You are! Again I am made to know that there are no coincidences in Your dealings with us. I am going to trust You, Father. I am going to calm this heart and wait on You. You are my perfect Father, looking out for me. Loving me even when I’m out-of-sorts. Father, I can’t think of anything on earth more admirable, more wonderful than a man who uses his voice, his talent, his breath and his life to praise You and do Your will. Men who in their walk are becoming You through the work of Your Holy Spirit. No wonder their eyes are beautiful! No wonder they can see into my soul! It’s You in them.
Love to all,
MME
A new friend from church treated me to a concert. Christian recording artist, Mark Schultz, performed to a packed house in central Virginia. Part of that packing was me, my friend Amy, and her (well-behaved and pleasant) niece and nephew. I have been to many types of concerts in my life, seen headline acts from several decades. But I’ve never heard a voice so clear and strong. Mark played a new video he’s made of a great song he wrote and performed which honors our troops. I’m sure I could have made a nice sum selling tissues to sop up the tears of that audience! Besides singing, playing piano and guitar and telling the stories behind some of his hits, Mark encouraged us to sing along on some well known hymns to praise our God.
After the performance, Amy’s nephew wanted to get Mark’s autograph. At my age, (and having my disposition) I tend more toward impatience at waiting in line than feeling awestruck toward celebrities. We waited (and waited – it really wasn’t too, too bad) and the boy got the autograph. Before I knew it though Amy was introducing me to Mark Schultz!. “This is my friend, Mona,” she said. I looked up and standing right there in front of me was a Christian Prince. Photos truly can’t capture charisma and normally witty me – I was speechless. “Mona,” he said and took my hand. He didn’t shake it, just held it. “Your hand is hot,” he observed not letting go. Gulp! 'It might have been that I’d just nearly flayed it apart clapping for your wonderful concert,' I thought later. But at that moment, I couldn’t think. Words escaped me and if you know me - that is absolutely impossible. I can’t keep quiet! “That’s because my heart is cold,” I finally managed jokingly. “Oh, that’s not true,” Mark said looking straight through me into my brain. The piercing clarity of those eyes! Somehow I ended up in the parking lot with my friends and a large smile across my silly face. No longer out-of-sorts.
Did I mention meeting a Christian Prince? Part of the out-of-sorts mood is my negative feelings about being divorced. Sometimes I get ‘husband obsessed’ and anxious about being lonely. It’s certainly not the way I want to be. I’ve gone to the Lord about it many times in prayer. Anyway, when we first arrived at the concert, Amy couldn’t decide where to sit. I had no opinion in the matter, so when she finally chose a row toward the right of center stage that was fine with me. Already sitting at the end of that row was a large man with a moustache and clean-shaven head wearing a Hawaiian shirt. He was from Williamsburg. He was alone. Throughout the evening he sang and he bowed in head in prayer, smiled, and even spoke briefly to me. I enjoyed a brief fantasy that we had come to the concert together, that his large, strong arm was around the back of my seat. I didn’t see him leave, never learned his name but the point that the Lord made to me was very clear. The world is not only full of His glory but it is also filled with a good many Christian sons to put across the paths of His Christian daughters
Lord, how wonderful You are! Again I am made to know that there are no coincidences in Your dealings with us. I am going to trust You, Father. I am going to calm this heart and wait on You. You are my perfect Father, looking out for me. Loving me even when I’m out-of-sorts. Father, I can’t think of anything on earth more admirable, more wonderful than a man who uses his voice, his talent, his breath and his life to praise You and do Your will. Men who in their walk are becoming You through the work of Your Holy Spirit. No wonder their eyes are beautiful! No wonder they can see into my soul! It’s You in them.
Love to all,
MME
Friday, July 22, 2005
Aristotle is a personality that happens also to be a bear constructed by my sister, Carol. He was sent to me as a consolation prize. Sorry you've lost your spouse but here is a bear. Of course, I was well pleased to receive someone to love and hug (however small and furry). He is the quiet type, seems to hang out a lot at home though I can't be sure what he does when I'm at work or elsewhere. He never seems to make a mess. If he does he must pick up after himself as I don't ever notice anything out of place. Never tries to take the remote. All in all the perfect roommate and gentle..., um, bear.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Wanna come for a walk?
Sometimes I think I’m so clever. And if someone really needs some advice I try to rise to the occasion. But mostly I’m just a lonely traveler, like you maybe. Living in my head a lot. Trying not to do that quite so much lately though. People are the thing. God loves people. I think I maybe noted this here before. He’s not willing to lose even one. And Christian, we must love people, too. It’s the great commandment. And oh, about the Love thing. Pastor Jay spoke today on Galatians. Powerful. “The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ” Gal 5:14 Maybe this is why He’s working on me. Love is actually the answer. It’s not just a pop song line. Ever notice the similarities? Life. Love. Lord. Word. How beautiful the way it is all interwoven!.
1If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
3If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. 1 Corinthians 13 (The Message)
Love is the hub of the wheel the world turns on. It is too simple and too marvelous to contemplate. Thank you, Lord for bending down so low to teach a hard-headed fool like me. Lord, teach me how to love. I know I can never do it the way You did. But it’s my business now to try to learn Your holy ways. Now that You have stripped away the extraneous things of my so-called secure world. My marriage, my home, security? It is all nothing. And You, You are everything. You are perfection. Your beauty is incomprehensible. Don’t let me go alone, Jesus. Send Your saints to walk beside me.
Thank you for Pastor Jay. Love your neighbor as yourself. He said that your neighbor is anyone who is around you. Not merely the ones who live next door, who sit in the next seat in church but anyone who is in my vicinity. Am I in the grocery store? Clerks and customers – my neighbors. Am I at work? My co-workers – my neighbors. Am I on the freeway – neighbors. Why is this suddenly so easy to understand? Maybe I’m finally ready to learn. Maybe some distractions are gone. Maybe I had to get to this point of concentration. Whatever brought me here, God bless it.
How typical! One night I’m whining. The next I’m praising. Maybe I’m learning something. Thank You, Jesus for not giving up on me.
Astounding Love to all,
Ki
1If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
3If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. 1 Corinthians 13 (The Message)
Love is the hub of the wheel the world turns on. It is too simple and too marvelous to contemplate. Thank you, Lord for bending down so low to teach a hard-headed fool like me. Lord, teach me how to love. I know I can never do it the way You did. But it’s my business now to try to learn Your holy ways. Now that You have stripped away the extraneous things of my so-called secure world. My marriage, my home, security? It is all nothing. And You, You are everything. You are perfection. Your beauty is incomprehensible. Don’t let me go alone, Jesus. Send Your saints to walk beside me.
Thank you for Pastor Jay. Love your neighbor as yourself. He said that your neighbor is anyone who is around you. Not merely the ones who live next door, who sit in the next seat in church but anyone who is in my vicinity. Am I in the grocery store? Clerks and customers – my neighbors. Am I at work? My co-workers – my neighbors. Am I on the freeway – neighbors. Why is this suddenly so easy to understand? Maybe I’m finally ready to learn. Maybe some distractions are gone. Maybe I had to get to this point of concentration. Whatever brought me here, God bless it.
How typical! One night I’m whining. The next I’m praising. Maybe I’m learning something. Thank You, Jesus for not giving up on me.
Astounding Love to all,
Ki
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Random Complaint Night
Divorce support group. I just joined one online. According to their blurb, they have thousands of members. There sure are a lot of hurting people out there. Why is there so much divorce I wonder? It doesn’t make sense. Don’t we all want the same things? Love and stability? Companionship? Loyalty, a family, somebody who’s ‘got your back’? Somebody to shop for on holidays, cook for, to worry about? A set of eyes to look into and a shoulder to cry on? A hand to hold? What gives, Lord? What did I do wrong where others succeeded? When I see a cute little old couple - I turn away. When I think of my grandparents, remembering their sweet ways with each other, I feel as if all the wind has been knocked from my lungs. Where’s the promise, Lord?
I met someone who filled my vision. A smile and the edges of the world blurred. There was no other human more profound, more glorious, more destined for greatness in our century. Certainly, no one had ever been in love like I was. I forgot for a season that I was fatherless and poor. We were young. We ran away. We needed nothing but each other. I remember joyfully experiencing things as I never had before, colors, tastes, sounds. I recall being giddy with pleasure in the anticipation of our impoverished supper of rice and eggplant. The impossible beating of my heart as the time drew near for work to end so that we could be together. How many years did I carelessly think that love was mine or was guaranteed?
The proverbial rug surely was pulled out from under me. I’m sitting now, still shaking my head and struggling to my knees. Will I rise, Lord? Will my heart ever walk again? In the meantime – this aloneness is so bleak. It feels as if everyone everywhere knows I have failed. I loved too hard, too desperately. I found out later they call it codependency. My love could do no wrong. I wouldn’t see it. But surely there was something wrong. Now, on my knees, Lord, I contemplate my betrayal. On my knees, Lord. I guess that I am correctly situated now. Waiting on Your words. ‘Get up, take your mat and walk' Mark 2:9 No explanations necessary, Lord. Just stitch me up.
The healing’s going pretty slow. Maybe I’ll check out that on-line support group. Thousands according to the blurb. I’m not alone then. Kinda like the sound of that.
Good Night All,
Ki
I met someone who filled my vision. A smile and the edges of the world blurred. There was no other human more profound, more glorious, more destined for greatness in our century. Certainly, no one had ever been in love like I was. I forgot for a season that I was fatherless and poor. We were young. We ran away. We needed nothing but each other. I remember joyfully experiencing things as I never had before, colors, tastes, sounds. I recall being giddy with pleasure in the anticipation of our impoverished supper of rice and eggplant. The impossible beating of my heart as the time drew near for work to end so that we could be together. How many years did I carelessly think that love was mine or was guaranteed?
The proverbial rug surely was pulled out from under me. I’m sitting now, still shaking my head and struggling to my knees. Will I rise, Lord? Will my heart ever walk again? In the meantime – this aloneness is so bleak. It feels as if everyone everywhere knows I have failed. I loved too hard, too desperately. I found out later they call it codependency. My love could do no wrong. I wouldn’t see it. But surely there was something wrong. Now, on my knees, Lord, I contemplate my betrayal. On my knees, Lord. I guess that I am correctly situated now. Waiting on Your words. ‘Get up, take your mat and walk' Mark 2:9 No explanations necessary, Lord. Just stitch me up.
The healing’s going pretty slow. Maybe I’ll check out that on-line support group. Thousands according to the blurb. I’m not alone then. Kinda like the sound of that.
Good Night All,
Ki
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Mustard Seed
Wrote this in May. Finished it tonight with a little help from Rich Mullins. And if I may quote just one bit "There's bound to come some trouble to your life. Reach out to Jesus. Hold on tight." Feeling better knowing I'm not really alone. And if I'm not alone, then brothers and sisters, neither are you. You're not alone.
Mustard seed,
as insignificant as me
kept along the path
forgotten,
weak, alone
Mustard seed
blown on the wind
dropped from the sky
a tiny speck of
Faith.
Father, help it grow.
Take my seed
of Faith
and make this mountain
of heartbreak
throw itself into the sea.
Mustard seed
a mighty tree to be
because He sacrificed Himself
for weak, heartbroken but
hopeful
Me.
Hold us and bless us all tonight, Father. We sure need you these days.
Love to all,
Ki
Mustard seed,
as insignificant as me
kept along the path
forgotten,
weak, alone
Mustard seed
blown on the wind
dropped from the sky
a tiny speck of
Faith.
Father, help it grow.
Take my seed
of Faith
and make this mountain
of heartbreak
throw itself into the sea.
Mustard seed
a mighty tree to be
because He sacrificed Himself
for weak, heartbroken but
hopeful
Me.
Hold us and bless us all tonight, Father. We sure need you these days.
Love to all,
Ki
Friday, July 01, 2005
Cartoon Comes True
My recovery is going to be a long process. God will see me through and I know that for certain. In fact, I got a glimpse on Wednesday night. Living down South is a little different from Massachusetts where I was raised. Down here, Sunday service isn't enough. There's Bible study on Wednesday night, prayer meeting on Friday, men's and women's groups meeting on one of the other days of the week not accounted for. Anyway, that's a little background to my Wednesday night Bible study story. Also, background is my new feeling about church. To praise God and be surrounded with His church is like a much needed once-a-week tranfusion.
Anyhoo- Wednesday I had an appointment to talk with the pastor and his wife after the Bible lesson. Before things got underway, the assistant pastor, Randy approached me and said that pastor's son was ill and he would be going right home after service since his wife had stayed with the boy. However, Randy and his wife were prepared to keep pastor's appointment with me to best serve my needs. The evening opened with a trio of fellas from the church singing, playing guitar, and drums. Pastor taught on the beautiful and famous Psalm 23. But throughout the evening, I figdgetted and kept having to drag my thoughts back to the here and now. Mostly, I could feel anger welling up inside and strange questions, feelings of doubt. What was the real reason pastor wasn't going to have time for me? Was he passing my problems off as unimportant? This assistant pastor didn't have the background I'd laid for the pastor about my recent experiences and feelings. Why was I wasting my time with people who really didn't want to help me? I wasn't truly welcomed in this group, anyway. I needed to go somewhere else. In fact, I should leave now and not sit through this so-called lesson. These negative feelings increased until I could hardly sit still in my seat.
It was then that it hit me - like the cartoon of an angel sitting on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Praise God! Apparently I had made enough progress in my spiritual walk that I suddenly could see that I was being tempted. Here was yet another cartoon - the light bulb of recognition going off over my head. I recognized, even as the strange thoughts raged that there was a core of peace, calmness as I continued to sit still despite the whirlwind of thoughts inside. The outcome - I spoke to Randy and his wife. They were warm and genuine people and spoke exactly what I needed to hear. Later, I drove home with a smile and the knowledge of the many blessings I'd received on a regular old Wednesday. A good sermon on Psalm 23 - pretty cool. Making new friends of Randy and his wife - not to be missed. A first small spiritual victory under my belt - never to be forgotten. Trusting that 'still, small voice' 1 Kings 19:12 - Priceless!
His blessings to all-
Ki
Anyhoo- Wednesday I had an appointment to talk with the pastor and his wife after the Bible lesson. Before things got underway, the assistant pastor, Randy approached me and said that pastor's son was ill and he would be going right home after service since his wife had stayed with the boy. However, Randy and his wife were prepared to keep pastor's appointment with me to best serve my needs. The evening opened with a trio of fellas from the church singing, playing guitar, and drums. Pastor taught on the beautiful and famous Psalm 23. But throughout the evening, I figdgetted and kept having to drag my thoughts back to the here and now. Mostly, I could feel anger welling up inside and strange questions, feelings of doubt. What was the real reason pastor wasn't going to have time for me? Was he passing my problems off as unimportant? This assistant pastor didn't have the background I'd laid for the pastor about my recent experiences and feelings. Why was I wasting my time with people who really didn't want to help me? I wasn't truly welcomed in this group, anyway. I needed to go somewhere else. In fact, I should leave now and not sit through this so-called lesson. These negative feelings increased until I could hardly sit still in my seat.
It was then that it hit me - like the cartoon of an angel sitting on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Praise God! Apparently I had made enough progress in my spiritual walk that I suddenly could see that I was being tempted. Here was yet another cartoon - the light bulb of recognition going off over my head. I recognized, even as the strange thoughts raged that there was a core of peace, calmness as I continued to sit still despite the whirlwind of thoughts inside. The outcome - I spoke to Randy and his wife. They were warm and genuine people and spoke exactly what I needed to hear. Later, I drove home with a smile and the knowledge of the many blessings I'd received on a regular old Wednesday. A good sermon on Psalm 23 - pretty cool. Making new friends of Randy and his wife - not to be missed. A first small spiritual victory under my belt - never to be forgotten. Trusting that 'still, small voice' 1 Kings 19:12 - Priceless!
His blessings to all-
Ki
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