Baby Steps

Thank you, Lord. You have let me glimpse a light at the end of this tunnel of anger and pain. Thanks for taking the time to teach me, for loving me, for all of it, Father. No matter how giving or well-meaning I am, people really are going to use me and hurt me and let me down. Just as they did to You. And somehow, over the last few weeks I am beginning to believe I am capable of forgiveness. Not through anything that I can do. I'm just a bottom feeder grousing around in my puddle of self-pity and complaints, But with You at the wheel, unbelievable as it may seem, I think I can make this journey. Is this what real faith is, Jesus? Like the Christians walking out into the Coliseum. Were they dragged kicking and screaming or did they walk, heads up, maybe slowly but with the knowledge that You were with them? Am I really big enough to forgive? Shine through me, Lord because I'm only a fool. In wide-eyed wonder just floored that I can still learn a little something this late in the game. How patient You've been with me. And how true it is - that there can never be peace in the world if we can't get over the ones who hurt us personally, if we can't clear our own slates of all the petty human emotions that force us down, force us to keep scores. Isn't the earth full enough of people who want to get even for getting hurt? Isn't there enough blame and name-calling?

You are so beautiful. If only I could be like You just a little! What a light would be shone on every dark corner of my life! Lord, let me do the right thing, even if it's just in baby steps. Following you is not something I jumped into and You know too well. I came along hesitating, two steps forward, one step back. But ever let me come to You, however slow, however I fumble and trip. If I can put my head out of my shell just a little and even think about forgiveness for someone who continues to do wrong as the world measures it, then I am making progress aren't I?

Love to all,

Ki